When you think of your healing journey, are you owning it? Are you the head and not the tail? Or have your negative coping strategies conditioned you to a place of the underdog?

In other words, are your survival skills running the show?

My survival strategies involved depending on other people to do things for me like the housework or the supermarket shopping and I would often lash out at my poor old mum.

I always felt better afterwards as I’d released a whole load of anger.

I wanted to talk about my situation all the time; the comfort from others helped me survive. I thought about suicide constantly, this caused me to feel calmer as it was my way out of the hell I was in. 
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Isn’t it frustrating when you’re so very ill, yet people think it’s quite minor because you look so well and healthy? But the more negative attention you receive for having symptoms, the harder it will be to heal.

I’ve had experience of this. I remember once being in a church service where the minister invited the congregation to lay hands on the sick. No-one wanted to lay hands on me. Why? Because there was an elderly man with cancer in the room.

The church judged that this was worse.

I remember being so devastated. I’d lost 10 years of my life by this point, the man with cancer had only been ill for a few weeks.

Have you encountered this? Do you feel those around you devalue your hidden illness?

I now realise however, that recognition for suffering is not a good thing. It’s what we call negative attention.
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The healing at the pool of bethesda teaches us how to position our hearts for a miracle healing.

This poor man had suffered for 38 years which caused him to spiral down into self-pity. His eyes were on the severity of his situation. He was closed to any forward thinking.

Can you identify with this? I know I certainly can. When I was unwell,  I thought it was so unfair that my friends could experience marriage, holidays or careers whilst I could barely function.

All I could see was all the things that had been taken away from me. The loss and grief consumed me so much, I ended up crossing over the line into pity.
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The meaning of Bethesda is House of Mercy. I believe the Holy Spirt is telling us though the story of the lame man healed at the pool of Bethesda, that if we want a healing, we find it in the house of God, the Church.

The environment you’re in could determine whether or not you receive your miracle. I ended a friendship once, because whenever I was with this person, I felt terrible about myself, as though my best wasn’t good enough.

This was not a healthy environment for me to thrive in.

It seemed to take me weeks to recover from her words. We have neuroceptors in our nervous system which constantly scan our environments for safety or danger. If we’re in a situation where we’re sensing danger, we will not heal.
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