Today we’ll be looking at 12 Self-limiting Beliefs, (which I’ve taken from TA Theory’s Injunctions) that you may be unconsciously believing.
As a child, whoever raised you, may have unwittingly communicated harmful messages or commands (injunctions) to you which you then internalised into self-limiting beliefs.
These beliefs become so ingrained in the child, that they form part of the child’s unconscious identity, or Life Script, even into adulthood.
They greatly influence, in a negative way, the adult’s interaction with the world around them, their future and self-concept.
In essence, they disconnect us from life.
Self-limiting beliefs stop us from living in the freedom that Christ died to give us. They also impact us on a physiological level, keeping us stuck on the healing journey
If you’ve ever wondered why you don’t enjoy anything, or why you’re always so fearful or sense a feeling of loneliness all the time, it could be that you are still operating from these hidden beliefs you’ve had your whole life.
So throughout this article, I’ll share:
- what the common 12 Injunctions and self-limiting beliefs are (according to TA theory),
- how the child picks up the message and
- how the belief impacts adult behaviour.
(Please note, due to the number of self-limiting beliefs, I am splitting this article into 2. So this post discusses the first 6 injunctions.)
It’s also relevant to understand how self-limiting beliefs affect the nervous system which is significant for our healing, the type of new belief which is more serving to our adult lives and I’ll suggest both Scripture verses and new reinforcing behaviour to consolidate. 
The good news is, that we can rewire our brains. (I’m on this journey too!) I can identify with numerous beliefs I am in the process of stepping out of.
I AM A NEW CREATION IN CHRIST
In my opinion, when God heals us, He heals us back into the person He saw at the foundation of the world. Your authentic self.
These self-limiting beliefs therefore are not what He wants for us. God invites us to renew our minds with the truth of His Word.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind
Rom 12:2
You are now a child of God, a new Creation (2 Cor 5:17).
God makes you brand new. This is Truth.
Unfortunately when we become Christians, any self-limiting beliefs remain.
See TAKING EVERY THOUGHT CAPTIVE: 5 SIMPLE STEPS
THE 12 SPIES. HOW THOUGHTS HINDER OUR FAITH
It’s important to understand that this isn’t about blaming our parents in any way, or condemning yourself if you may be giving these messages to your children.
Usually, the parent is unconsciously operating from their own self-limiting beliefs ingrained in them from their childhood.
It’s also about the child’s egocentric perception or interpretation of the parental messages conveyed implicitly through behaviour, careless words or suggestions.
THE 12 SELF LIMITING BELIEFS
BELIEF 1: I DON’T EXIST
CHILDHOOD
Some parents imply to their children that they were a mistake. ‘I wanted a career but I had children instead’ type remarks. The child hears the command or injunction ‘I don’t want you to exist’
Some children weren’t planned by their parents and it was a pleasant surprise, but to a young child, this can be easily misunderstood.
In other instances, parents ignored their children and ‘sent them to Coventry’ whenever they misbehaved. The child consequently feels invisible.
ADULT BEHAVIOUR
As an adult, there are consequences for believing such a lie.
For example, shrinking back and being the shy observing one, unable to join in with things. You feel invisible and overlooked. You like to ‘hide in plain sight’.
Or the opposite; you become an extrovert in social settings.
Have you ever noticed someone who inserts themselves into conversations? They just can’t bear to be left out. They’re reacting against their belief ‘I don’t exist’. If you don’t include them, they may interpret this as rejection.
NERVOUS SYSTEM RESPONSE
Shrinking back is usually associated with the dorsal shut-down part of the nervous system, the feeling of spectating.
If you’re reacting against the belief and you force people to notice you, then you’ll be operating out of sympathetic activation.
Perhaps you are angry that people aren’t noticing you, yet feel unable to do anything about it. This is Freeze. (Both sympathetic and para-sympathetic are operating at the same time.)
When we stay in these survival states, healing is difficult.
WHAT DOES GOD SAY?
Eph 2:10 tells us that we are God’s masterpiece, created for purpose. God sees you as though you are the only person in the world who exists.
He’s wildly passionate and crazy about you! He knows you intimately, even the hairs on your head are numbered. (Luke 12:7) and your tears are collected in a bottle. (Ps 56:8)
Ps 139 tells us God knit us together and wrote all our days in His book. You were not a mistake! It was His pleasure to choose you and adopt you into His family. (Eph 1: 3-6).
NEW BELIEF:
Turning the lie around, to something more realistic like:
- I DO and it’s ok to exist. I am a gift to the world and life is good.
- God wants and plans for me to be here.
REINFORCING THE NEW BELIEF:
- Striking up a conversation with someone.
- Voicing opinion
- Becoming aware of one’s own needs and expressing them
- Allowing others the freedom to not include us.
BELIEF 2: I CAN’T BE ME
CHILDHOOD
Another one of the common self-limiting beliefs a child perceives is the message ‘I can’t be me’. This causes the child to move away from their true authenticity to be accepted.
See THE LORD LOOKS AT THE HEART: OWN YOUR TRUTH
Perhaps the child senses that his or her parents wanted them to be a different gender. Or maybe the parent wanted a ‘quiet and good little girl” so the child learns to repress her boisterous nature.
Some parents want mini versions of themselves.
Perhaps academic achievement was rated far above anything creative so the child strives to do well at school but deep down they wanted to sing or dance.
The child hears the injunction or command ‘Don’t be you!’.
ADULT BEHAVIOUR
If you can’t be yourself, you will be striving to please others to be accepted.
For example, if academic achievement was rated growing up, you may be a perfectionist. ‘If I’m perfect, my parents will be pleased and proud of me.
You may even end up not knowing who you are or what you like/dislike.
To feel safe in the world, you may appease others on an unconscious level, thinking you’re being kind.
NERVOUS SYSTEM RESPONSE
The Fawn response is a trauma response where we appease those around us. It is a survival instinct and a blended state of the autonomic nervous system.
See HEALING OF BARTIMAEUS: LET GO OF PEOPLE-PLEASING
Perfectionism is a mix of sympathetic activation and dorsal shut-down. You could even be stuck in a Freeze state.
The real you is trapped inside you and you feel you can’t escape.
WHAT DOES GOD SAY?
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Ps 139:14
You are unique.
Jesus promises to never reject you (John 6:37) and accepts you (Rom 14:18)
NEW BELIEF:
Beliefs such as:
- It’s OK to be me. I have my own thoughts, desires, dreams, gifts – I am a unique gift to the world.
- I can say no to people and that’s ok.
- My purpose in life is not to please other people.
REINFORCING THE NEW BELIEF:
- Taking opportunities to say ‘no’.
- Sharing thoughts with others, even if they think differently.
- Exploring new foods, hobbies, places……(to find out what we like)
- Learning to tune into one’s inner self. (Your body can’t lie)
BELIEF 3: I DON’T BELONG
CHILDHOOD
If this is you, your caregivers may have given the impression that you don’t belong anywhere. They may suggest that you’re different ‘because you are a Christian’.
You may not be allowed to partake in certain ‘worldly’ activities like football matches, youth clubs, brownies etc. The child feels different to her friends.
Perhaps the parent gives the impression that they favour a sibling. This would encourage the child to feel like ‘the black sheep’ of the family.
ADULT BEHAVIOUR
As an adult, if you have the belief ‘I don’t belong’ you will feel like a misfit wherever you are. No matter which church you’re in, even with your family and place of work.
Even if you change your circumstances, you still feel as though you don’t fit in and will possibly feel like a loner.
You feel different.
NERVOUS SYSTEM RESPONSE
This can create anger at others for not including you (sympathetic activation) or you may shrink back and be the loner who doesn’t engage much with others. (Dorsal shut-down).
Striving to be accepted will put pressure on the nervous system, keeping it in survival mode.
See IS ANGER A SIN? 5 STEPS TO RELEASE ANGER HEALTHILY
WHAT DOES GOD SAY?
1 John 4:4 says you belong to God and that He chose you (Is 41:9)
You were bought with a price (1 Cor 6: 19-20) when Jesus died for you.
The Lord made you and you belong to Him (Ps 11:3) and nothing can separate you from His love. (Rom 8:39).
NEW BELIEF:
Ideas could be:
- If God wants me here, then this is where I belong.
- There are plenty of similarities between me and others and
- our differences can be celebrated.
REINFORCING THE NEW BELIEF:
- Recognising similarities as well as differences in social groups/communities.
- Striking up conversations with people.
- Seeing others through the lens of who they are in Christ.
- Recording evidence of those who are friendly and welcoming.
BELIEF 4: I CAN’T HAVE FUN
CHILDHOOD
If you were raised by very serious parents then you may have developed a ‘It is wrong to play’ type mindset. The caregiver gives the injunction ‘Don’t be a child’.
Perhaps they worked and worked and didn’t have much relaxation time. You never played games or watched movies together.
It could even be that your parents just didn’t know how to be with a playful child. Some adults find children annoying and unconsciously show it.
Other times parents treat their children like adults when they are still children. The children become parentified.
This means that they were given far too much responsibility for their age. The child becomes the parent and grows up far too fast
.
ADULT BEHAVIOUR
As an adult, you don’t seem to engage in much fun. It takes a lot to make you laugh. Funny movies don’t interest you.
Productivity is your idol. You feel reading for pleasure or spending time in nature is a waste of time because you view them as ‘unproductive’.
You may be overly responsible. We all have an inner child and yours is no doubt dormant. It takes a lot for her to appear.
NERVOUS SYSTEM RESPONSE
When we play, we activate the blended state of Ventral and Sympathetic. This is healthy and good but for those who have ‘don’t be a child’ in their belief system, it rarely gets much attention.
If you’re serious all the time, you could be in survival mode. I’m thinking particularly of the Freeze response. You’re so stuck in your nervous system, that playing is hard. If this is you, I relate! Don’t be condemned.
You can’t fake joy and happiness when you’ve been in survival mode for years.
WHAT DOES GOD SAY?
God rejoices over you and since we are created in His image, He wants us to laugh. (Zeph 3:17)
He rejoices and is glad over His people (Is 65:19)
God prophesied joy for the Israelites. (Zech 8:5) and says there is a time for laughter (Eccl 3:4)
A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones. (Ps 17:22)
NEW BELIEF
- It’s ok to play and have fun. In fact, it’s an essential part of a healthy life.
- It’s also ok to have people in my life, whom I can depend on when I need to.
- God is my parent and I depend on Him always.
REINFORCING THE NEW BELIEF:
I believe you just can’t fake happiness if your nervous system has been in survival for so long.
- This is why I encourage my clients to notice glimmers. The moments of life that may bring a second of pleasure.
If you can notice 1 glimmer, you can notice 2……(a soft breeze against your skin, a beautiful butterfly, someone smiling at you…)
This is not an overnight fix.
- Introducing some creativity into life ie Painting, craft, a sport…
- Playing board games with others.
(I’ve just discovered a ‘Games Cafe’ near me….I may just purchase a ticket…I’ve also always fancied art classes and last year discovered paddle boarding.)
BELIEF 5: I CAN’T BE AN ADULT
CHILDHOOD
Some parents want to hold onto their ‘babies’ and unconsciously give their children the injunction ‘don’t grow up!’. They step into their parent ego when interacting with their child, they are overprotective, even when the child is all grown.
They treat them as incapable and needy.
Being a parent is what defines them so they try to do everything for their child to keep that role.
ADULT BEHAVIOUR
If your parents were overprotective, you may see the world as a very dangerous place. You may be a people-pleaser towards others, especially your parents.
You still need their approval even though you’re now a grown-up.
Whenever you come across an authority figure or even someone who unconsciously reminds you of your parents, you step into your Child Ego.
Making decisions, taking responsibility or being autonomous is challenging because the child in you is still dominating.
NERVOUS SYSTEM RESPONSE
If you sense the world as a dangerous place you will be living in fear or fight/flight. Wanting approval from your parents keeps you in a survival place.
If you have all the fight/flight sympathetic energy within you but feel ‘stuck’, you may be in Freeze with both states blending together. This is also survival.
WHAT DOES GOD SAY?
God is our Father and our provision and security comes from Him alone and not our parents. They were responsible for our upbringing for a season, not a lifetime. (Pro 22:6)
He is our provider (Gen 22:14)
It is He alone that strengthens us. (Phil 4: 13) and directs our paths (Pro 3 5-6)
He gives us all we need and gives us grace for each day. (2 Cor 9:8)
God is with us so there is no need to be afraid. (Josh 1:9)
NEW BELIEF:
- It’s ok to separate myself from my parents.
- I am an adult now, and I make adult decisions.
- I am competent enough to take on responsibilities.
REINFORCING THE NEW BELIEF:
- Learning to make decisions without relying on someone else.
- Sticking up for oneself with parents.
- Bringing awareness to times when inferiority takes over.
We do this, one tolerable step at a time.
BELIEF 6: FEELINGS ARE WRONG
CHILDHOOD
If a parent views a certain emotion as wrong or bad, the child learns to never express that emotion.
So the parent may send the child to bed whenever they get angry or make it clear that crying is ‘for babies’. They give the injunction ‘Don’t feel!’
When certain emotions are deemed unacceptable, the child suppresses them.
It may also be that the parents themselves only express certain emotions (because they are the products of their upbringing)
ADULT BEHAVIOUR
You may have many years of suppressed emotions within you. Perhaps you find it difficult to cry or you rarely get angry.
This is learned behaviour.
You view crying as weak and you become very image-conscious – wanting the world to see you as strong and capable.
If you are familiar with ‘Drivers’, you have a very dominant ‘be strong’ driver running the show.
NERVOUS SYSTEM RESPONSE
Engaging in self-limiting beliefs means there will be inner conflict.
You may be stuck in a Freeze response because all your emotions have been pushed down with a lid.
WHAT DOES GOD SAY?
God gave us emotions. It’s OK to cry, rejoice, grieve, and even be angry.
Jesus wept at the death of Lazarus (John 11:35) and was angry at the lack of grace of the Pharisees (Mark 3:5).
Also, check out Rom 12:15, Ps 32:11, Matt 5:4, Matt 11:28
The fact that we’re instructed to ‘cast all our anxieties on him, implies He almost expects us to have worries! (1 Peter 5:7)
NEW BELIEF:
- It’s ok to feel emotions and to allow others to feel theirs.
REINFORCING THE NEW BELIEF:
- Developing a relationship with the body.
- Tracking sensations or doing a body scan.
- Checking in with the Wheel of Emotions.
God never intended for us to be 2-dimensional beings. We are meant to have emotions and sensations in our bodies.
(As I mentioned earlier, because there are 12 self-limiting beliefs, it made sense to split the article into two parts. Please see COMMON CORE BELIEFS THAT SLOW DOWN HEALING to continue reading.).