Loneliness and chronic illness go hand in hand. But there is good news (and bad.)
Unfortunately, loneliness can contribute to the onset of an illness and can therefore certainly hinder the healing process. The good news however is that we can do something about it; (and it’s not what you think.)
By the end of this post, I hope you will be set free from the impact loneliness may have on your body as you realise just how simple the solution is. (Plus Your faith will increase which is always a bonus)
Know it is normal to struggle on your own with very few people understanding the impact pain and illness have on your mental state, making you feel even more isolated.
I wonder if you feel different because you can no longer join in with ‘life’ and the activities you once enjoyed with others have now stopped?
We crave connection and to be understood. It starts when we connect with our mothers the moment we’re held for the very first time. This gives acceptance, love and security.
When illness happens though, we experience the lack of understanding by others which causes us to feel disconnected.
Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem to be important to you.
C.G Jung
THE LONELINESS OF CHRONIC ILLNESS
Unfortunately one of the saddest factors I’ve seen is those people who choose to withdraw from life because of their physical (or emotional) affliction. Unconsciously they feel fear.
Fear that people don’t understand resulting in rejection, fear that they’ll feel worse, fear that being with others will emphasise their internal hurts…and so on. They are living from a place of survival and protection.
They then separate themselves from others so they don’t feel alone in the crowd. I have seen this even in the church, yet what better place for the sick?
Human nature is to protect ourselves, to stick with perceived safety, but Isolation is never a strategy.
SOLUTION #1 RELATIONSHIPS
We heal when we’re in relationship with others no matter how uncomfortable. This is one solution to the loneliness of chronic illness.
There is nothing the enemy wants more than to isolate us from other people.
If you’ve ever watched a shark movie, you’ll know that the shark always aims for the lone seal, or surfer! Remember the most demonised man in the Bible? He was all alone.
Evidence now shows that co-regulating with someone else is one way our nervous system feels safe. It can help move us from a place of shut-down and hopelessness to a place of calm and present.
This is the state we need to be in to experience healing.
Co-regulation is the influence that one nervous system has over another. It is a biological and physiological necessity for us to have these experiences.
Too little co-regulation is dysregulating and we’re unable to heal.
LONELINESS IS MAKING US ILL
What’s scary to me, is that the isolation we feel can often be caused because we hate the way our life has become.
We reject it so much causing us to feel isolated from ourselves.
We project this out onto the rest of the world and use the illness as the excuse. Is this the real cause of the loneliness of chronic illness?
What we often don’t realise is that loneliness even causes us to be sick! According to the Journal Perspectives On Psychology, feeling lonely on a daily basis can shorten your lifespan by 26%!
Isolation is linked to a number of dysfunctional immune responses and increased blood pressure…..Lonely people produce more inflammation-related proteins in response to stress….which are associated with numerous conditions including coronary heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s disease.
I’ve learned that even the most pastoral of people rarely possess empathy as it’s such an advanced skill.
Image: Rebekah Ballagh: Journey to Wellness
SOLUTION #2 JESUS
Imagine the guy at the pool of Bethesda. (John 5) He laid there for 38 years; watching the world go by…wow. No work, no family, maybe no friends; surely he must have felt lonely?
But thank goodness for Jesus.
Or the leper who approached Jesus. He was ill for many years, existing in a leper colony, away from family and friends. This shows the loneliness of chronic illness in the extreme.
Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.
Matt 8:3
I believe this one encounter healed more than just the leper’s physical condition, but the separation and loneliness the illness had caused him in the first place. The touch of Jesus was the answer!
When Jesus walked upon earth, he was the only person who was sinless surrounded by a world of sinful people…how isolating. What do you suppose his friends thought of this?
I imagine this caused him great anguish at times, especially throughout the teenage years where his friends and siblings would be getting up to mischief! No-one could identify with him.
His own people rejected him, his friends who couldn’t even pray for him let him down whilst he’s in absolute turmoil. Judas betrayed him and one of his best friends even denied him.
Everyone rejected Jesus as they jeered and mocked during the crucifixion. Even God, his loving Father turned his back on him.
Around mid-afternoon Jesus groaned out of the depths, crying loudly, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? which means, My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?
Matt 27: 46 MSG
HE’S OUR GREAT HIGH PRIEST
How can our great high priest not understand the loneliness of chronic illness? Jesus went through extreme desertion so you and I would have connection and approval;
He overcame loneliness and now we can have victory over it. There really is a solution to your loneliness, regardless of whether you’re ill or not. His name is Jesus.
So if you feel no-one understands your pain and isolation, talk to the only one who does.
This then releases you from the hurt and disappointment you experience if you’re expecting this from others. Heb 4:15 says ‘For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses”
SOLUTION #3 COUNSELLING
Visiting a counsellor allows you to be seen and heard – an empathic witness. This (hopefully) is someone who has the right gifts to hold space for you to authentically explore your situation.
Someone who is ‘with you’
There is no fear of judgement, insensitive comments or devaluing of your experience. This connection is invaluable.
Imagine the difference it would make to the world around us if we turned to Jesus whenever we felt deserted by friends. And, connected with safe people and a gifted counsellor.
Can I encourage you to ask God to replace any toxic or unempathetic friends with better ones?
Finally, I’ll leave you with the best verse in the Bible to combat the loneliness of chronic illness.
Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.
Heb 13:5
I hope this has helped you today. Have a great week.
Lorna x
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