The story of Bartimaeus shows us how people pleasing can stop our healing. I love that Bartimaeus had enough shameless faith to ignore the crowds and pursue Jesus.
When I trained in counselling, I was surprised to discover just how much of a people pleaser I was and how my whole life was rooted in shame.
I’m in no doubt this contributed to the deterioration of my health.
PEOPLE PLEASING HINDERS HEALING
Shame is a root cause of people pleasing, driving us to wear a mask to conform to the world around us. As children we repress our authenticity in order to earn love from our caregivers.
This keeps us safe within the family dynamics.
When God heals us, He heals us back into the people He saw when He laid the foundation of the world. This is who we really are.
Letting go of the people pleasing (via self love and authenticity) therefore opens the door to our healing.
Learning to love myself has been a huge part of my healing journey and I’m still growing in it.
I’m learning to stick up for myself, voice my thoughts and do what’s right for me, even if others disapprove.
Do you conform to keep the peace? What about apologising all the time, saying ‘yes’ when you really mean ‘no’ and feeling uncomfortable challenging someone?
We bring this into our adult worlds but as we’ve normalised it, we don’t recognise the conflict within us.
This unconscious people pleasing behaviour is very hindering to the healing process. The real you gets buried underneath the patterning and programming from the environment.
But this Spirit is leading me one beautiful step at a time so the journey is tolerable for my system.
Can you relate to this? Are you full of self-compassion or is this an area God is healing in you as well?
In the story of Bartimaeus, we learn he was no people pleaser. The crowds wanted him to just shut up but instead of pleasing them, He continued in his pursuit of calling on Jesus.
Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”
How would you have reacted in his shoes? I think for me, I would conform to the desire of the crowd.
But not Bartameaus. This is a man who completely ignored the people. He did not conform or do what others wanted. He followed his own heart and followed it.
CONFORMING TO THE WRONG VOICE
What do doctors say about your situation? what do those around you say? Do they say that you’l be ill for the rest of your life? have they given up?
Or are there people telling you where you’re going wrong, what needs to change and what part of your life falls short?
We are surrounded by people who love to voice their opinion even though it’s not their life or their journey.
The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.
Whenever we honour the voice of others above our own, we devalue ourselves. We’re saying they’re more important.
In this story, the crowd thought Bartimaeus had no right to call upon Jesus. I wonder if he was some kind of dignitary would they think the same?
I love that Bartimaeus knew that whilst he was a beggar, he was just as important as everyone else. That being the case, there was no reason for him to succumb to the crowds.
The post WHY FEELING UNWORTHY OF GOD’S LOVE HINDERS HEALING may help you if you’re struggling with low self worth.
You see, it shows a lack of authenticity. When we conform, please others and deny our own truth it puts a lot of pressure on the body.
There is a conflict which takes place. Your heart is saying one thing whilst your head is saying another. That conflict causes adrenaline or cortisol to be released in the body. This amplifies symptoms.
When I was at college, my research involved studying the impact people pleasing had on chronic pain symptoms. From my research alone, those in chronic pain were 3 times more likely to people please to keep those round them happy.
This speaks volumes.
Gabor Mate, mind-body doctor, says a lack of authenticity, especially in the area of suppressing one’s own truth to please another, is the main cause of cancer and other illnesses.
In fact, Mate’s book is called ‘When The Body Says No’. People pleaser’s notoriously can’t say no, so the body says no for them by creating disease.
Bartimaeus was not a people pleaser. I can’t help be hear from God, that this is a lesson to free us from such a mindset.
If he had pleased the crowd, he never would receive his victory.
It is the same with us. If you insist on putting everyone else’s needs above your own, you too, may struggle to receive.
STRIVING TO BELONG
We live in a celebrity driven world where gaining likes on social media, being noticed by the right people and the world’s perception of us unconsciously drives us.
Being busy is glorified.
I certainly don’t tick the right boxes either. I don’t have the marriage, the children or the health for someone my own age and I certainly don’t have the popularity.
It’s a hard one, feeling so different from the ‘norm’ in a world where few identify with me.
We value the person who ticks the right boxes. We strive for acknowledgment or recognition, betraying ourselves in the process.
This is just the same as people pleasing. We want to be popular, the ‘in-crowd’ and will unconsciously perform to get it.
This striving and self-betrayal reinforces the sympathetic nervous system, otherwise known as the fight flight response. It’s a stress response and keeps us in survival.
There is no healing here.
The story of Bartimaeus is one of self love and shameless faith. It didn’t bother him that he was not busy or admired by others.
He didn’t wear the ‘right’ clothes or hang out with the ‘right people’. In fact, he was no doubt invisible to most.
He didn’t try to be something other than himself and didn’t care about public opinion.
What would your life be like if you based your self esteem on who God says you are instead of striving to create the ‘right’ perception from other people?
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
If you could just let go of wanting to be popular or be noticed by others. To know who you really are and love and honour yourselves.
To feel secure in your own skin instead of becoming who society says you need to be in order to be accepted.
God chooses and loves you, just as you are. He is healing you back to the person He saw at the creation of the world.
Have a great rest of the week.
This is part of the Bible series on The Story of Bartimaeus: