The story of Bartimaeus shows us how people pleasing can stop our healing. I love that Bartimaeus had enough shameless faith to ignore the crowds and pursue Jesus.

When I trained in counselling, I was surprised to discover just how much of a people pleaser I was and how my whole life was rooted in shame.
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There’s no doubt for me, that a living in chronic pain impacts how I see myself. This is one of the reasons I love the healing of Bartimaeus.

Pain drags me down, restricts me and stops me living. It’s easy to feel I’m sitting on the sidelines, watching people live.

The healing of Bartimaeus is a story of a man who is sat by the wayside, probably not feeling very good about himself either.

How has your illness affected your self esteem? Do you also see yourself as inferior or as though life has somehow forgotten you?
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When you think of how you’re living with chronic disease, are you allowing the Spirit in you to be in control, or have your negative coping strategies conditioned you to a place of the underdog?

In other words, are your survival skills running the show? 

If so, that’s completely ok and you are not alone. You have amazing protective parts which are helping you survive.

My survival strategies involved depending on other people to do things for me like the housework or the supermarket shopping and I would often lash out at my poor old mum.

I always felt better afterwards as I’d released a whole load of anger.

I wanted to talk about my situation all the time; the comfort from others helped me survive. I thought about suicide constantly, this caused me to feel calmer as it was my way out of the hell I was in. 
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Isn’t it frustrating when you’re living with an hidden illness, yet people think it’s quite minor because you look so well and healthy?

But the more negative attention you receive for having symptoms, the harder it will be to heal.

I’ve had experience of this. I remember once being in a church service where the minister invited the congregation to lay hands on the sick. No-one wanted to lay hands on me. Why? Because there was an elderly man with cancer in the room.

The church judged that this was worse.

I remember being so devastated. I’d lost 10 years of my life by this point, the man with cancer had only been ill for a few weeks.
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The healing at the pool of bethesda teaches us how to position our hearts for a miracle healing.

This poor man had suffered for 38 years which caused him to spiral down into self-pity. His eyes were on the severity of his situation. He was closed to any forward thinking. In all honesty, I think I’d be exactly the same.

Can you identify with this?

When I was unwell,  I thought it was so unfair that my friends could experience marriage, holidays or careers whilst I could barely function.

All I could see was all the things that had been taken away from me. The loss and grief consumed me so much, I ended up crossing over the line into pity.
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The meaning of Bethesda is House of Mercy.

I believe the Holy Spirt is telling us though the story of the lame man healed at the pool of Bethesda, that if we want a healing, we find it in the house of God, the Church.

The environment you’re in could determine whether or not you receive your miracle. I ended a friendship once, because whenever I was with this person, I felt terrible about myself, as though my best wasn’t good enough.

This was not a healthy environment for me to thrive in.

It seemed to take me weeks to recover from her words. We have neuroceptors in our nervous system which constantly scan our environments for safety or danger. If we’re in a situation where we’re sensing danger, we will not heal.
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